We Don't Deserve

"Worship is a response to a relationship we don't deserve." Greetings everyone.

So I plan not to take too long to write this because, well, it's part of why I'm even beginning to write. I have to come clean on a few things. There's dawn at the end of these ashes, so please read all.

Well, the big thing. This winter break has been a waste.

Number of times in my Bible. Few.
Number of hours in prayer. Few.
Amount of time not only running from God, but running from myself, running from life, running from everything by sitting in my room for countless hours playing video games, looking up a ton of completely random and useless things... A lot.

Romans 7:14-25

This is a problem that is much bigger than myself, and a problem I need some serious help with discipline on.

Oh let's throw this in the mix, too, considering this is a vital part of 2012 for me.
Number of hours preparing for Acts 1:8... about 3 or 4. The plan is down, but not the actions. And I'm very, very good about doing that, get the plan down, the "I need to do that," then just walking off, probably getting back to my video games or something.

WHY THE INSANITY?

I need time, alone. And while I've spent a pretty good amount of time alone, I mean different. Away from everything, games, this computer, just everything. And that is something I will be asking a couple of people for STRICT ACCOUNTABILITY for. I NEED, NEED, NEED time with God. The times I have spent with Him this break, have been astounding. Isn't that insane? That just last night I can watch this worship band from Liberty University who was at my church, a complete surprise, and worship God in full surrender, then to come back and be just my lowly drone self (if that's even an expression); that, my friends, is compartmentalizing. That's living my life out for myself, and not for God. And I cringe as I type this but, hey, the brutal, cold truth has to get out before one can change. One has to know just how lowly and sinister, awful, wretched, terrible they are before they can reach out to God... to get to that point that Jesus got to, so lonely and cold that I'm moved to ask Father, Father, why have You forsaken me?

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us." 1 John 3:16a

I have had a passage in my head for about the past 24 hours. I even dreamed about it. Pretty much... Romans 6 in its entirety. And I've already pulled some more Romans from the Holy Spirit, it has to be Him alone. And I praise His name because of that... that shows that my relationship with God HAS made SIGNIFICANT progress... that God has been working on me.

Here's the point.

I desire more than anything to give my total life, every piece of it, over to God, because I owe him everything. That same Liberty band showed a video with something if you know me, you know I love this stuff. A new definition of worship. That's two, one from Louie Giglio and one from this video. You've seen it already, get it in your mind and heart. I quote, "Worship is a response to a relationship we don't deserve."
And after sharing all that I have... I have to just get on my knees and thank God for all He has done for me. That, while I was still a sinner, Christ laid down His life for me. I feel as though because of that, I owe my life to God because Christ gave His. So elementary... I need elementary right now, I feel like.

I'll share that other quote, from Louie Giglio.
"Worship is the Church alive and in motion to take the Gospel of Jesus to the last and the least of these on planet Earth. That's the worship God desires."

See, that's so much more of a calling than just, give your life to Christ. That screams out Acts 1:8. That is a life totally devoted, totally sold out, dare I say, a life as a slave of righteousness. And not that we can be righteous, but through the love of Christ, we can be GOOD, PURE, HOLY. And not that we deserve even a spec of glory, because it all goes to Christ. But that's something I think I truly need to get through my skull. Well, maybe to my heart because, I feel like the knowledge is there. Now if we can get it deeper and deeper into my core.

That's what I don't know how to do.

I have support to raise for Acts 1:8 (if you want info, let me know.) I have a worship team/cluster to oversee. My heart is not ready for that. But I know and I've seen the power of God move. Here's the big disclaimer to this whole post. I STILL HAVE EIGHT DAYS AT HOME, TWO BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS. And, I have an entire semester to prepare. I have nothing to worry about, but just to take heart because Christ has overcome the world, John 16:33.

And, that's the truth. I know I cannot articulate it exactly as I could, but I pray that God speaks to you and to myself in the way we need to hear Him speak, so that we can be more in step with His will for our lives. That we can truly experience Him on a daily basis.

I think that'll do for now.