Departure

Hey everyone.

My clock tells me it is 12:21AM ET on Thursday, Aug 19th. That means in roughly 15 hours, I will be leaving for Bowling Green. Going to stay with a great friend in lieu of planning at the BCM. I'm so excited.

So, I feel that I should procrastinate packing by giving kinda an evaluation of what this summer has meant, and what my goals are.

This summer has consisted of helping Live Fish a lot, helping setup, run words, and play guitar in a prehistoric world we like to call Vacation Bible School (well, prehistoric theme) and try not to be eaten by the big blue dinosaur Where As One Were As (don't... ask...), then Australia was spectacular, then Kids Camp, then lots of hanging out, chilling, and talking. I got a brand new car less than a week ago and love my new Kia Forte, and hope it doesn't get scratched and dented in the parking garage. Boo! Then lately been hanging with Pat Ford recording some stuff. And now... I just heard the last sermon I may possibly hear from a man who has meant so much to me these past 4 or 5 years, and I wish I could have grown closer to, Greg Thompson. But maybe I can stop by and see him in Lakewood, WA when he and the family get settled in there. I still have to see the peoples from The Vine Baptist Church in Seattle!!! I think that makes a trip worthwhile.

Okay... now there's one other thing I have done. I read my friend Brent's blog on Honesty, and how we like to think we are living what God wants us to but, are we really? Am I really living out the life God has called for me to do? I'm at WKU and meant to help the BCM, I see that. I'm meant to be at East Somerset Baptist Church as home and Crossland I'm fairly sure in Bowling Green. Okay...

Yet there are so many things in my personal life I struggle with. There are things I should have let go of a long, long time ago. I was reminded of the analogy of my little cousin who has absolute terrible eating habits. And I tell her she won't grow up big and strong like all little girls should, but I got a taste of my own medicine...

I'm not doing what God has called me to do by reading His Word daily, and praying without ceasing, and witnessing to the lost. I have so far to go.

And I most certainly have not surrendered everything to Christ. I feel that He's an all-or-nothing God. If I'm some of the way there... that's not good enough.

Tonight in Clear, the last sermon I'll hear from Brother Greg was on purpose. God has a purpose for our lives. Quoted from Greg, "If a person based who God is on the ministry you do, could they come to the conclusion that you serve an amazing God?" Nope they would say you definitely don't have it figured out, or, you are trying to follow this RELIGION and failing miserably.

If we aren't giving it our all to Jesus, to follow Him as His disciple, and to drop our nets totally and walk away from anything we may possibly want, we aren't following Him and that's just plain and simple. If we were totally surrendered we wouldn't want anything else.

You know what? I sense that drive within me. I love to serve. I love to help people. That's why I help Live Fish so darn much. But, is it about the music, the friendship, or is it about the ministry Live Fish does for God? Is it a ticket out of my house? Or is it something I just want to look at and see what I have done? To say, hey look, I played guitar. Or hey look, I put all of those lights up. It was me.

NO IT WASN'T! I mean sure, my hands did it, but it was all God.

I am living very, very dangerously right now by not having total surrender. I am on staff with an organization that helps people, reaches out and connects them to a church in Bowling Green... and I am opaque, not transparent. I am the salt that has lost it's flavor.

Sure, God still loves me. I know that. I am still His and His alone. But anything that isn't total, radical surrender is simply sitting in a Pew on a Sunday. It doesn't matter how bad we want it to be for God. There will be those who cry Holy Holy, and cast out demons in the name of Christ, but then Christ will say to them, I NEVER KNEW YOU. AWAY FROM ME, EVILDOERS!

That's the harsh reality. And I seriously hope to fix a lot of things, to stop living for myself. I don't desire to go to WKU and leave those I love most here at home, but God has me there, and I must serve in total and radical surrender. I have a worship service to coordinate, and so much banks on this service. I have to be blameless and pure in this. And confident that my God will take care of everything, that we will be the body but God will do the work we cannot. I'm confident about this year, but this is the time to fully surrender.

To drop my nets.

~Kevin~

Holy Peace

I remember what the former president of WKU's BCM said during one of our meetings. He said he was put at WKU with the sole reason of sharing the Gospel.

I almost feel the same way.

Going to WKU... it's not about going to WKU anymore. I have seen my mission field, I've done many things. But one of those many things is to be invested into by the BCM, allowed to serve on the leadership team, and I'm still serving in a very important role as worship coordinator.

But... it's so much more than that, isn't it?

I just posted a status on facebook last night that I was looking forward to my return to WKU. But tonight for some reason I'm feeling some resistance inside, and I don't know why. I feel closure to this summer, and there is really nothing more to do but to plan for the fall, for my return to WKU, for our worship services... what more is there to do?

I was thinking some, tonight. Thinking... what's beyond this year? There's another year at WKU, I do have a Capstone Thesis to write for the Honors College and I'm very thrilled about that one. It'll be a wonderful chance to learn how to minister and at the same time implement some psychology and some religious studies, and gear me up to serve those around me through ministry, in my own time or full time. Who knows.

But I think I'm worried about what lies beyond... tomorrow. When, I am not even guaranteed tomorrow. There's a verse that talks about tomorrow will bring its own worries and not to worry today. And at the same time, I can continue to have the peace that could only come from God alone, for my entire life as I have for my ministry. I mean, if I'm feeling peace about a worship service that absolutely any student can come to, I'm sure I could feel peace about my very own life.

I have peace in the One who died and rose again for me.

Just sharing a little thought from the mind of a ever-so-slightly distressed Kevin. But... all is good.

=)

~Kevin~

Fighting A Broken World

These words are from "Upside Down Kingdom" by As I Lay Dying
"This is a kingdom born upside-down.
This is a kingdom where the broken are crowned."

Also I've been listening to a band called The Empire Shall Fall, a political band.

And after reading a bunch of... "crap" this was conceived.

Please don't copy this.

FIGHTING FOR A CAUSE

I’m finished with listening to them bicker
About what is right in this world.
It would seem that speaking gets us nowhere
We are a people born of action

I am sick of seeing my people struggling
To the point where all I see is rage
How I wish that everyone would open their eyes
I’m just a product of everyone unsatisfied

I don’t care what anybody says anymore
I could care less about those who criticize
I don’t see them standing against our falls
So now I rise I’m fighting for a cause!
Arise, I’m fighting for a cause!

Countless crimes committed every day
You might think it’s 1938
And we all knew someone had to rise
Against the tribulation, against the man with no sight

A mouth is a powerful weapon
But one fist can shut them all down
Someone has to stop talking and start walking
We all know these injustices are wrong
God save us from coming undone.

What About The Needs Here?

I was lying in bed, letting it storm, and continuing to read Radical by David Platt. I've been horribly slow about it, and even picked up another book from my youth pastor, AND reading yet another book we received earlier. And trying to work on a ministry, OVERLOAD. So... I need to finish Radical first.

I had to jump out of bed when I got to this part of Chapter 4.

It's a sentence I have said myself. I will quote what Platt has heard Christians say in his church about missions.

"God has given me a heart for the United States."

Platt goes on to call this a "smoke screen," and why? Because maybe we are not concerned about the needs of the people from the U.S.

People within the BCM have heard me say that very quote. Blasphemy! For shame. Now, I just got back from Australia, and had a wonderful time. This made me think, just how much I enjoyed Australia, BUT... it made me think of how much more I could have, should have done. How I went to the Internet Cafe and talked to the very nice Latin man behind the counter, and could have shared Christ with him, could have shared why I was there.

I obeyed the command to go... but, I was thinking.

I went to Australia... I really do have a heart for the U.S., and would like to reach out to Americans. BUT... here are a few... observations and self analyses.

1. If I don't gain experience both here and other countries, it will be for nothing. WKU is a great learning ground, but also a place where thousands need Christ.
2. Not caring about the needs... I truly don't. I'm too worried about how >>I<< can help bring someone to Christ. It isn't me at all, I don't do anything. It's all God. I am just supposed to love.
3. I lack passion. Wow. It's so true. I am highly disturbed because I lack the passion of the Gospel. I lack the drive to read my Bible, the drive to tell others. To put my analogy personally... I could watch a crazy NASCAR race, and ask people who I know watch what they thought, I could sit there and pull for someone to win, or someone to take Jimmie Johnson out of the race... and should the day come that Dale Jr. ever wins a race, I will probably pee my pants due to the excitement. Why, then, can I not get excited about God in a much stronger way?
(That reminds me, I would like to read Game Day and God by Eric Bain-Selbo (rels. studies head of WKU)because the idea of that is striking.
But why do I lack passion?

I am not even passionate about my own needs. I NEED to make daily devotion to God. I NEED to pray, I NEED to read the Bible, I NEED to reach out to the lost. And I NEED to work harder on my 180 coordinator position (some would disagree... but just ask God. He is truly all-knowing.)

How about this one? I'll say it...

I need to get baptized and join East Somerset Baptist Church.

Didn't know I wasn't baptized? My life is in many more shambles than you may think.

Christ redeemed me, and I truly believe that. I feel severely underdeveloped, however. Hebrews 6:1... is not happening, and if it is... not quick enough.

If I cannot take care of myself, if I cannot love myself the way I need to, how can I love others?

I just simply ask for your prayers.

I am not in shambles. I am actually happy, and not distraught. But... one must get to the root of the issue to solve the other little ones.

This is a plethora of knowledge and revelation.